First, I'm fine. I'm going to live just as long as I was ever going to live, no doubt slated to die getting flattened by some brutish ewe powered by a pushy young dog.
Let's start with the morals of the story:
1 - Family and friends are the best thing in your life, really the very best. Remember that and behave accordingly
2 - Got something you really want to do? Do it, now or as soon as you reasonably can.
3 - Science is accurate and a real asset to mankind and to you personally. Yes bits of things are off along the way as we work through the scientific method, but overall science has helped us enormously (including vaccines and understanding of anthropogenic climate change).
4 - Not everything is a tick borne disease. Listen to the doctors.
5 - Keep your sense of humor. It will be your life jacket and what's the point of living without it.
I have leukemia. I learned this roughly 24 hours ago. I'd gone to my doctor yesterday assuming I had a tick borne disease. Headaches, run down. They sent me off for blood work. I was grumpy because I really just wanted doxycycline so I would start feeling good for the Nevermoor trial this weekend. That evening, after pounding in some new 6 foot ground rods, I got a call from my doctor. My white count was ridiculously high and I was to go to the emergency room right away. She had called them to let them know I was coming. Well I needed to finish taking care of sheep and feeding my dogs. And I was filthy. So I wrapped up my chores, took a shower, and headed in around 9. I talked to a couple friends about taking care of my sheep in case I had to stay. I was cranky, still stuck in my stubborn head on the tick borne options. My primary care doctor called two more times after checking and finding I had not arrived at the ER, just to make sure I got in there.
At the emergency room they drew more blood. Yee hah my white count was even higher! (5-10 is normal, I was in the 160-178 ballpark). I told the ER doctor I was perhaps simply an over achiever. They told me the types of cells seen and the white count pointed to leukemia. I needed to be transferred to a large teaching hospital so lots of tests could be run. I floated the idea of going home, and driving into Boston the next morning. No dice. They were going to stuff me in an ambulance as soon as they found a bed whether I liked it or not. The ER doc was fun to talk to, grew up on a big dairy farm in VT. Understood my worries about getting my stock cared for. I had 30+ ewes and 50+ lambs that needed to be moved the next morning or there would be no food for them. They are at a remote graze behind net. The move required knowledge of the land, net, and a dog. He made a comment that it was tough that this was happening, particularly to someone nice like me. I was incapable of my usual sarcastic remark, but did say that probably 10 years ago I realized I'd not held back in life. I've done what I wanted. Though I did not want to die, I have lived.
Waiting for a bed I began to search for stats and info on leukemia, using the information I'd gotten from my tests. That was dismal. Really dismal at my age. I love data, but this had no chance of inspiring my nerdy delight. Acute leukemia was what it was looking like, making it unlikely I would survive 5 years. I texted my brother. I hated to do that but I needed the contact. I'm quite sure from then he also got no sleep. I put him in charge of talking to my parents. I told him if this were something that did not have a good prognosis I was not going to suffer through treatment. I've seen the misery of treatment and it's not worth it unless there's a reasonable chance of remission.
I was shipped to Brigham and Women's in Boston, where a myriad of doctors poked, prodded, another round of blood work. Then an oncologist showed up at my bedside in the ER there. I almost asked where his black robe and scythe were. While my virtually non existent sense of propriety was not there to stop me, I did not trust myself to speak beyond answering questions at this point. Indications so far were still acute leukemia. They found me a bed on an oncology floor, another blow.
As I was wheeled off to my room that first oncologist intercepted me. He wanted to get me the news as quickly as possible. Looking further at my results it was looking like chronic leukemia, a manageable problem. Hallelujah! (And when did I ever think I'd be delighted to be diagnosed with chronic leukemia?)
Up in my room, now morning, I heard back from my friend Liz who could drive a long ways to Dunstable, meet with the landowner Tim Joyce (another friend) at the remote graze. I put them together on a text and knew my ewes and lambs would be taken care of, an enormous relief. I met my oncologist going forward during rounds. My sleep deprived brother arrived in Boston after picking up my car from the ER at the local hospital. He spent the day. We cannot talk to one another without humor. I was so thankful both for the laughter and his presence.
I needed a bone marrow biopsy to confirm the findings and determine the correct meds going forward. Bone marrow biopsies are no picnic, and adding my inflamed bones and the marrow so thick with all these miserable little half baked white blood cells and it was pretty special. They assured me any necessary repeats would be easier. They showed me the bone core and some marrow on the slide, satisfying my geek side. At first the PA was horrified but no one who keeps livestock would be offended by having a slide of bloody body bits pushed in front of them to see. Indeed we'd all be fascinated. Then I turned around and saw the medieval tools they'd used. An 18 gauge needle is microscopic in comparison. Damn good thing I did not see the equipment first.
Now to the science. Using the information from the biopsy they will be able to determine enough genetic information about my leukemia to get the exact correct drug, with a good probability of getting the drug and dosage right on the first go. I will need follow ups. As long as I take my pills daily I can live my life with this leukemia. There is a small chance it will even go away. Believe in science folks, it works. A researcher is getting some of the marrow and some of my blood. He's working on a blood test to do the same as the current bone marrow biopsy. This will be particularly important in 3rd world countries.
There is a very small chance that the bone marrow will tell a different story and I have acute leukemia. But the Dr. feels solid in his diagnosis and he certainly has the experience. Not worth worry.
I'M ALIVE!!!! And this explains a number of problems I've had over the past months so I'm looking forward to feeling more energetic, less clumsy, generally more like my obnoxious self.
